How to Deal with Uni Flatmates You Don’t Like (Full Guide)
Moving into your university accommodation might feel like the beginning of a new chapter: late-night chats, shared pizza orders, inside jokes, and maybe even lifelong friends. That’s the fantasy. The reality? Sometimes your flatmates just… suck.
Maybe they’re messy. Maybe they’re passive-aggressive. Maybe you just don’t vibe. And when your room is a few steps away from people you’d rather avoid, things can get real uncomfortable real fast.
This blog isn’t about pretending everything’s fine or forcing friendships that aren’t meant to be. It’s about surviving (and maybe even thriving) when you’re stuck living with people you don’t click with. Let’s get into it.
The Most Common “I Can’t Stand My Flatmates” Scenarios
Before we dive into solutions, let’s get real about what kind of situations you might be facing:
The Ghost: Never speaks, never smiles, might actually be a cryptid.
The Loud One: Plays music at 3AM. Somehow has energy for pre-drinks every night.
The Passive-Aggressive Note Writer: Leaves sticky notes that say “Some of us wash our dishes :)”
The Group Chat Clinger: Only talks through memes or vague threats in the shared WhatsApp.
The “Mum”: Polices everyone but disappears when it’s time to clean their own mess.
The Inconsiderate Couple: Always together. Always arguing. Always slamming doors.
Sound familiar?
Step 1: Accept That You’re Not Weird
The first thing you need to know is that you’re not the problem just because you don’t get along with your flatmates. University puts people from totally different backgrounds, personalities, and routines under one roof. You wouldn’t vibe with every stranger on the street—why would it be different here?
Friendship with flatmates is a bonus, not a guarantee.
Step 2: Protect Your Space
You can’t control your flatmates, but you can control how much access they have to your energy.
Here’s how to set boundaries without being the villain:
Keep your bedroom as your sanctuary. Keep it clean, cozy, and yours.
Use headphones instead of speakers—even if they’re blasting music. It subtly signals boundaries.
Don’t feel obligated to hang out if you don’t want to. Silence doesn’t equal hostility.
Lock away anything you don’t want “borrowed.” (Yes, that includes oat milk and expensive shampoo.)
Step 3: Communicate Like a Grown Human
When things get really annoying—someone’s hogging the bathroom or leaving pizza boxes in the sink—it’s tempting to rant to everyone except the person involved. But honestly, a direct and respectful convo is 10x more effective.
Say it in person, calmly. Not through the group chat. Not through passive-aggressive notes. Something like:
“Hey, I’ve noticed the dishes are piling up a lot. Can we all try to clean up after cooking?”
Be chill. Use “we” not “you.” And don't over-apologize—setting boundaries isn't rude.
Step 4: Don’t Take It Personally
Maybe they ignore you. Maybe they’re cliquey. Maybe they talk behind your back. It stings—but the truth is, their behavior is more about them than you.
A lot of flatmate drama comes from immaturity, insecurity, or poor communication. It’s okay to be annoyed—but don’t let their mess infect your peace.
You’re not here to make them like you. You’re here to study, live, and grow. Focus on that.
Step 5: Find Your People Elsewhere
If your flat sucks, your entire uni life does not have to.
Join societies or clubs that fit your interests (chess, drama, ultimate frisbee—whatever).
Go to library study groups or uni events.
Find online communities (Discord, Reddit, Facebook groups for your course or uni).
Make friends in your classes or at your part-time job.
There are hundreds of other people on campus who might vibe with you more. Don’t trap yourself in your kitchen drama.
Step 6: Use Tools That Help You Escape Mentally
When your environment feels toxic, tech can give you a mental breather. That’s where tools like Duetoday.AI come in. It’s an AI notepad designed for students—it records and transcribes lectures, creates notes, flashcards, and even interactive quizzes.
What’s wild is you can literally chat with your lectures using ChatGPT built-in. So while your flatmate’s screaming on a FaceTime call in the kitchen, you can be in your room turning that boring lecture into a killer study guide—hands-free, noise-cancelled, sanity intact.
Even better? You can try Duetoday for free. Which means less time stressing about your flat and more time getting ahead.
Step 7: Know When It’s Time to Escalate (or Move)
If your flatmates are just annoying, that’s one thing. But if things get toxic, abusive, or make you feel unsafe—you don’t have to put up with that.
Red flags to take seriously:
Racist, sexist, or homophobic comments
Stealing your stuff or invading your space
Deliberately excluding or bullying you
Threatening behavior of any kind
In those cases, speak to your RA, hall manager, or student services. Most universities have procedures for mediation or even flat changes. You don’t need to suffer in silence just to keep the peace.
The Silver Lining
Not liking your flatmates sucks, but it’s also one of those weird adulting lessons you didn’t ask for but will probably use forever. Learning how to co-exist with difficult people is something you’ll do in internships, offices, shared houses, and beyond.
And honestly? The more time you spend building your own peace, goals, and friends, the less they’ll matter.
You don’t have to love them. You don’t even have to like them. You just have to survive the lease.
And you will.
FAQ
what if i just avoid them all the time?
That’s okay! You don’t owe anyone forced interaction. As long as you're respectful and keep basic communication open when necessary, there’s nothing wrong with keeping to yourself.
should i confront them or just deal with it?
Depends on the issue. If it's small and fixable (like noise or dishes), a calm convo can help. If it's constant or emotional abuse, loop in your housing officer or student support.
is it weird to switch flats mid-year?
Not at all. People do it all the time—especially in first year. If you’re truly unhappy, it’s better to make the move than stay miserable. Check with your uni housing team for the process.
what if they’re a tight friend group and I’m the outsider?
This happens more than you think. Instead of trying to “break in,” focus on building your circle elsewhere. One close friend outside your flat is better than pretending with people inside it.
can i request certain flatmates next year?
Yes, usually! If you're living in uni halls again or going into private housing, you can choose who to live with. Many people use first-year to figure out who not to live with again.
Final Thoughts
University is hard enough without feeling like you're trapped in your own flat. But just because you’re stuck with people for a while doesn’t mean they get to drain your peace. Keep your head up, your headphones in, and your boundaries clear.
You’re here to study, to grow, to live—not to be everyone’s best friend.
And who knows? Your next flatmates might just be the dream team you were waiting for.
